Something interesting happened at one of my funerals yesterday. I usually stand at the (dreaded) lectern with my hands resting close to the edge, ready for page turning etc. But yesterday, without making a conscious effort to do so, I moved my hands towards the centre and, sort of, leaned in a bit. It seemed to make a huge difference. I felt more relaxed and 'chatty' as opposed to 'scripty'. I'm not sure why it made a difference, or indeed, whether the moving of my hands had anything to do with it. But it felt good! I'm going to try it again at my next funeral on Thursday. I may have imagined the whole thing, but it's amazing how the tiniest of movements take on a whole new meaning when a chapel full of people are staring at you...
Fascinating, CB, fascinating. I guess your serendipitous new body language both affected and expressed how you felt about your role and your relationship with the audience. I'm sure this is worth study. It's something that ought to be incorporated into training.
ReplyDeleteThere is often a marked difference between the body language expressed by ministers and that expressed by secular celebrants. Celebrants are often stiff and formal; ministers are much more at ease and more mobile -- much more at home in their own skin and, of course, their costume, which is so role-defining.
Is it that ministers find it much easier to get into character because their role and status are so clearly defined and understood, whereas celebrants find it much harder because they're not sure exactly who they are and, perhaps more important, what their status is? Celebrants, in a spirit of admirable self-effacement as agents of the family, trust that their words will speak for them. But words can't do that. They need to be delivered in a particular way -- they need to be performed by a somebody.
Lawks, am I onto something or am I lapsing into delirium?
Charles, you are SO onto something! You've just put into words exactly what it is I've been trying to figure out. In previous posts I've tried to talk about the difference between celebrants and ministers - the ritual, the gestures, the need to break free of the lectern - but you are spot on about the body language. That's exactly what I think the challenge is - to first of all get a sense of being 'somebody', be more confident in the message we're delivering, then start finding ways to deliver it in a more relaxed and mobile way. I am so inspired by your comment. Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteHow very interesting and valuable.
ReplyDeleteMinisters, of course, spend a lot more time speaking/communicating in a ritual/ceremonial setting than we do, and as Charles says, they also have, one hopes, some confidence in their psychic role (OK, divine ordination, if you like. And "one hopes" because I'm allergic to clerics who sound as though they don't really believe too much in God...)
But also, I feel it is absolutely true that we have to move beyond this "I'm a servant of the family so please listen whilst I just read out what they told me" schtick. And that's what you're doing, isn't it, CB?
You're moving out towards the people and developing your true role as a guide and helper, not just "a gob on a stick" as XP so succinctly puts it!
Gesture is very important, of course, and something not dissimilar has happened to me. I used to stand very still (following the ancient truth that if you move about, it distracts people from what you're saying - nonsense, of course, watch the TV news readers, and they've only got a bit of themselves to work with.) But it feels more natural to me to shift position a little, and once I followed that feeling, I realised that instinctively I was following in small ways the meaning of what I was saying. You can't force this, all you can do is let go of something somewhere and it happens - which is what you've described.
And I've also learned that what I actually say can also reach out more - I don't mean in any sentimental way, but e.g. the simple difference between "people who loved X have..." and "you who loved X have..." They are there in front of me, so bring it to them at that moment. Seems obvious, took me a while.
"The meaning of X's life, the life s/he shared with you, mattered to you all, or you would not be here today, and..." These things sound in cold blood like manipulation, but if they come under your fingers at the keyboard and at the lectern, then they're simply a response to the time and place. i.e. they are exhibiting presentmomentness.
They also show the audience that you actually care about them and what's happened. If I can't find a little of the old agape, then what am I doing up here? (That's agape not just in the Christian doctrine, but meaning a kind of love or charity or compassion which is not driven by desire, or self-aggrandisement, er, sorry, I'm sure you know all this already, I'm going on a bit, sounding a bit self-righteous, thanks for your time, I'm off, good day...)
Thank you GM. Another enlightened comment, which is adding to my sense of 'self' and how to engage with my 'audience'. It's funny because when I finished my first funeral ceremony, I felt on a bit of a 'high' (which was probably extreme relief after days of anxiety about how it would go). I remember feeling like I'd just played my first gig and had to stop myself from throwing my arms up and shouting "Thank you Wembley!"...
ReplyDeleteAs you say, it's all about reaching out and presentmomentness. And I think, as a celebrant, I do have 'beliefs' to share. I'm not just a 'stand in' because the family are too upset to speak themselves. It's about being relevant as well as respectful, present not preaching...
And GM, you never go on or sound self-righteous. You always have great things to say and I always love to hear them.
Hear, hear, GM. Don't let self-effacement occlude you. This is a valuable and productive and very important seam -- the most important discussion for as long as I can remember. Agape's the word!! Let us be magnanimous in our utterances!!
ReplyDeleteWell, thanks for the encouraging words CB - it is not easy to get the tone right in these matters. If it's useful, then good. If it isn't, please ignore! Like you, I find the blogs and comments and general discussion around the GFG crew, as we might call it in homage to the mighy CC, to be very helpful - it's a kind of in-service training!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely GM... I feel my 'official' celebrant training gave me an outline of how to do the work, and now CC and the GFG crew are filling in the colours. I feel very lucky, and extremely grateful, to have found you all!
ReplyDeleteAgape is, indeed, the word. Compassion is everything...
All interesting stuff (yes, yes, XP is late again!).
ReplyDeleteI find that this is quite an instinctive thing - one usually has to be near the lectern, for reasons of microphone and buttons, but I notice that my stance and posture vary - for the formal bits, I'm very upright (my Alexander Technique teacher would be proud). For the less formal, more anecdotal bits, I, too lean forward, with a pose only a few steps away from leaning on the bar at my local.
Whatever feels right, CB - that's the ticket!
And you're all absolutely right about what we learn from each other - for that I am extremely grateful to you all.
Hi XP. Lovely to hear from you! Your 'leaning on the bar' analogy made me smile, and I think it's appropriate because during the less formal parts of the ceremony, I do try to imagine I'm chatting with 'friends' in a relaxed environment. But yes, if it feels right then all is tickety-boo...
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