I've just returned home from leading a funeral ceremony in a garden. The garden belonged to the much-loved man we were there to pay tribute to. It was filled with a colourful array of flora and fauna, family and friends, as well as his three little dogs who sat at my feet during the whole service. At the end we planted a nine-year-old oak tree sapling, which this man had grown from an acorn.The combination of saying farewell to this seemingly wonderful man, in the garden which was the heart of his home, as the birds sang, the sun shone, and everyone shared stories and laughter, has left me feeling so uplifted I barely know what to do with myself.
And what did everyone say to me afterwards? "I had no idea you could do this sort of service in your own garden. I wish I'd known when my mum/dad/husband/friend died..."
Yes - you can have this sort of service and I wish more people did. We're a nation of garden lovers after all. We did have a short committal service at the crematorium beforehand, for the immediate family. But the garden ceremony was the opportunity to have all the tributes, poems, readings, speakers, the family wanted, without having to squeeze it in to a 20 minute slot. And it was perfect.
Hopefully, the more this type of two-fold ceremony takes place, the more other people will embrace the idea. There may not be many just yet, but from little acorns...
What a wonderfully and delightful ceremony for a gardener - so removed from the mechanical process of a crematorium service with it's inherent time constraints. I wish I had been a [green]fly on the wall[flowers]. Jolly well done CB. The closest I have come to something similar - I was invited to lead a secular service in a cricket pavilion preceding a woodland burial - the weather was gloriously kind - it seemed to lift the spirts no-end.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant.Sounds ideal. Coincidentally, I recently organised a crematorium ceremony as requested by his daughter for a man whose son, it later turned out, had wanted a longer and different sort of ceremony than his sister had arranged...the sort you'd hold in a garden, or a front room, or a hotel suite, or..anywhere but a crem.
ReplyDeleteThe ceremony went well, and I managed to stay out of any family disputes about it.
Did they mention what they'd have done if the weather had been terrible? (I'm not being a smart-arse, it's just that it's a really good option but I'd need a plan B!)
Uplifting. Oak tree such a fine symbol. Thanks.
Thanks Anon! I love the cricket pavilion idea. There are plenty of alternative 'spaces' out there - many of which are quintessentially English, like the gardens and cricket pavillions, village halls, perhaps even bandstands! Hmmm, think I'm onto something there...
ReplyDeleteAnd hello GM! Yes the weather could, quite literally, have put a damper on things. Especially as the forecast was for heavy showers. But their plan B was to hold it in the house with the patio doors open to the garden. The family were fortunate in having a house large enough to accommodate everyone. But I know this could be an issue for families with smaller indoor and outdoor spaces.
What I loved about yesterday, aside from the location, was the fact that all the neighbours turned up. People who weren't necessarily 'friends' of this man and his family, but would always say hello when they passed each other during dog walks or trips to the village shop, that sort of thing. It had a real community feel about it. When we planted the tree, we invited people to come forward and put some soil around the base. One woman stepped forward and said "Would you mind if I put some soil in? It's just that he kindly helped me once and I'd like to pay my respects". I couldn't quite hear what the act of kindness was, but it obviously left an impression. Isn't that lovely?
Wow that sounds great. What a great job you have! You see you are changing things, folk are realising that there are alternatives to the traditional stuff out there! Well done you! Sx
ReplyDeleteThanks RR! As you can see from the other comments, I'm not alone in my wish to provide alternatives for people. Hopefully those who attended will tell other people and word will spread that are more choices out there. Let's hope so!
ReplyDeleteHow completely, scintillatingly brilliant, CB. Well done them, well done you -- and well done the sun. What a mind-opening contrast to 20 mins of purdah at the crem. Enduringly meaningful and beautiful and so, so satisfying. Hurrah for future of funerals!
ReplyDeleteHurrah indeed, Charles! I did think afterwards how useful one of those little PA systems would have been (we spoke about this with GM a few posts back). Not so much for music (nothing would have compared to the natural sound of bird song) but just to give a little boost to the voices of one or two of the family and friends who were quite soft-spoken. And also, as we said before, to retain some of the subtlety which is lost when you are raising your voice to be heard.
ReplyDeleteYes, absolutely. Few funerals are declamatory occasions. When the mood is reflective and voices are occluded by emotion, a little help is needed. Something FDs might consider buying and setting up? Or celebrants, of course. On balance, I think I'm all for seeing FDs invest in better ceremonies. And they're better able to stump up the purchase price!
ReplyDeleteGood stuff. I hope the family realised they could bury him in the garden just as easily as they buried his ashes, no permission needed, just simple guidelines about distance from water that are common sense.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rupert. I was all ready with my 'you know you can bury him in the garden' facts, but they had already decided they wanted to scatter him in another location that had meaning for the family.
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