Almost every funeral ceremony I write does, at some point, promote the belief that while there is a part of our loved one that cannot remain with us, there is also a part of them that lives on in our hearts and lives. I refer, of course, to the life and love we shared, the memories we have in common, and the influence they had on our lives. But your loved one could also live on in the hearts and lives of complete strangers, who never even knew of their existence until they ceased to exist.I'm talking about organ donation. That final act of generosity almost all of us are all capable of fulfilling, but only 28% of us have signed up to (according to the Organ Donation Register). I know that agreeing to donate your organs is very much a personal choice. But for me, it's something that doesn't take too much thinking about. If I am dead and someone else's life, or quality or life, could be saved and improved by using the organs I have finished with, then please take them. The thought of my heart beating life into someone else's body, or my eyes being used to see the world once again, has no negative connotations. In fact, I think it is rather beautiful and extremely comforting.
The Organ Donation website at http://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/ukt/ is great. As well as information on how to quickly and easily register, there are also lots of really interesting statistics, true-life stories and frequently-asked questions. I know organ donation can be a sensitive and emotional issue, and it's not really my place to try to influence you if your mind is set against it for whatever reason. But, as at today's date, there are currently 7,548 people waiting for a transplant. So, whether you have a donor card or not, I think it's certainly worth a click...
Easy to feel squeamish about this (I had a real battle) -- until you balance squeamishness against benefit, which you express so tellingly. So my heart will go on (funeral favourite) if it (and its fellow organs) are not too knackered for recycling. The more this is talked about the more easily people can get their heads around it.
ReplyDeleteI did have Celine Dion warbling in my mind as I realised (unfortunately) that (dreadful) song linked perfectly to the point I was making. But it's enough that we have to listen to it on a regular basis...
ReplyDeleteI'm really interested in what, in particular, makes you feel squeamish about the idea – if you don't mind me asking?
I think it has to do with the way we are accustomed to treat the peri-mortal (neol) body, and agonise over the mouth suture and embalming and what's violation and what isn't (all in the period leading up to the destructive burning). Many contradictions here. So it takes a bit of getting your head around (perhaps), having someone hack away at your corneas, your last breath still hanging in the air (ok, I'm over-egging it!), and then setting about your vital organs...
ReplyDeleteIs that it? The cause of the squeamishness? I mean, there's ne'er an atheist who doesn't have a firm preference either for the earth or the fire.
As with most deathy subjects, we are not in the ream of the rational.
Near, far, wherever you are... Gets on the nerves, doesn't it?!
Thanks for sharing that Charles... I understand what you're saying. And no, we are not in the ream of the rational. I don't quite understand why I am so calm about the whole organ-donation question, and yet I have a horror of being buried because of my irrational fear of worms. In both instances I will (one hopes) be dead but in one situation I imagine I will still be aware of what's happening, and the other I won't. Bizzare...
ReplyDeleteNear, far... but not far enough!
Am I too late to lob an l into that ream?
ReplyDeleteTime tooooo say goodbye...
Any views around this matter on the feelings of nearest and dearest? I think I truly don't mind, after working for some time on internalising the rational truth that there won't be a "me" that could possibly mind anything at all. But I can see that one's nearest and dearest may find their imaginations somewhat terrorised by organ donation.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, a loved one's life is em-bodied, quite literally, and it takes a while to let go of the body. Isn't that what we're trying to help with in a funeral? And until that period of re-adjustment is over, there may be mental images - as you say, not rational ones - that could trouble the LOs.
Good point GM. I guess the first thing would be to discuss your organ-donation decision with your LO's beforehand, to gauge their reaction and so it didn't come as a shock to them when the time came.
ReplyDeleteWhat's interesting from both your comments is the issue seems to be around the removal of the organs - you use words like 'violation', 'hacking away' and 'terrorised' - rather than the thought of those organs continuing in someone else's body. I wonder whether people would feel differently if they could be sure the removal of the organs would be done in a respectful, careful way, or whether any interference with their LO after death is just a step too far?
I do understand that sense of not wanting to 'let go of the body'. But that will perhaps, in turn, force someone else to let go of their loved one because they couldn't wait any longer for a heart, lung, liver... How far can we go in expecting one person to compromise their grief for another's? I don't know. Interesting discussion though. Thank you!
Good point, GM. And good point about vocabulary, CB. I guess LOs may continue to feel conflicted even though those feelings have been subordinated by the awareness of the benefit of organ harvesting. And over time I guess that for just about everyone the misgivings are supplanted by joy in the consideration of the benefit - the prolonging of another life? An indistinct memory of that scene in Six Feet Under, when they become aware that he has had his corneas removed, came to me as I was thinking about this. Can't find it on YouTube, but I found this, where David is washing his body and the sutures on his body are clearly visible and his mother comes in with his dry-cleaned suit for his funeral... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgA7zbdm4no
ReplyDeleteYes, the conflict will continue no doubt, as people negotiate the minefield of grief. And I remember both those scenes from Six Feet Under very well! Thanks Charles.
ReplyDeleteYou are the wind beneath my wiiiiiings...