Home or away?

There has been quite a bit of media coverage about death/dying the last week or so. I know this because, not only do I scour the News and Culture sections of the Sunday Times every weekend for relevant 'death-related' stories and programmes (I know how that sounds), and get death/dying/bereavement google alerts every day (yes, that sounds even worse), but I also have my lovely friends and family, in particular my fantastic sister-in-law, who will ring me up and say "Quick! Switch on Radio 4 - they're talking about death!" Bless them...

Well, this last week, the topic of conversation has been about 'dying at home' versus 'dying in hospital', thanks to a report from Demos (Independent think tank and research institute). Each year 500,000 people die in the UK. Demos found that 18% die at home, although 60% of those surveyed wanted to. You can read more about it here http://www.dyingmatters.org/news/66

I'm passionate about trying to find ways of allowing people a 'good death' - not just because of the experience it would give to those facing the end of their life, but it will also give great comfort to their loved-ones, both at the time of death, and in the following days, months and years. I love the suggestions put forward so far, of setting up new places for people to die close to home, training volunteers to support the terminally ill, a 24-hour nursing support service and telephone help line. It will be interesting to see what happens.

However, as you will see from the comments at the end of the article, dying at home isn't always the experience people hope it will be. And that's the issue really - in the same way that every one of us leads a life that is unique, we also all experience a unique death. No two people will experience death in the same way, even if they are exactly the same age, the same sex, suffering from the same illness for the same length of time. There are a zillion variables - physical, emotional, social, geographical, financial...

I've met families who can't give enough praise for the hospital their loved-one died in, and other families who are so traumatised from the experience they are completely and utterly consumed with anger. I've met families whose loved-ones have died at home, in their own bed, their spouse and children holding them close. And I've met families who wanted to keep their loved-ones at home but just couldn't cope  with the level of care required, the physical deterioration, the dependence, the loss of dignity, the double incontinence... Then the guilt when they have asked the hospital to take over.

None of us know what we will have to experience, both ourselves and within our own families and circle of friends. But we can at least try to talk to each other about what we think a 'good death' is, and what we would hope to experience. And lend support and comfort to anyone we know who is facing these issues right now.

Sorry - that was rather long and a bit gloomy. But I had to get that off my chest, especially as it is so topical right now. I do hope to brighten up my blog with some pics and tales of a cheery nature. So don't go away!