First of all, there's the issue of trying to create a nice 'grouping' around the grave. Yesterday, as is common in council cemeteries, we were part of a row. So although I could stand at the head of the grave, no-one could stand either side of it because you had an existing grave one side, and the huge pile of freshly dug earth the other. So already there is this 'distance' between you and the family/friends.
Secondly, there is the challenge of being heard. You try to raise your voice in a way that isn't actually shouting at people but loud enough so those who always seem to hang back (no matter how many times you invite them to step forward) can hear you. Depending on the location of the cemetery, you also have traffic noise to contend with and, sometimes, the distraction of the odd visitor who is tending a nearby grave. The trouble with 'semi-shouting' is that all your careful crafting of the content of the service – those specially selected words, phrases, quotes, poems, readings – lose some of their subtle effect. And there is no music to do what music does best at such times. Another barrier to making yourself seen and heard is when the coffin bearers are stood in front of you during the most emotional part of the service - the committal.
Thirdly, there's the awful fake grass 'matting', similar to that used by greengrocers, which is laying around in different size pieces. I appreciate it is doing its best to hide the fact that we are all standing beside a six-foot hole in the ground. But when the disguise is haphazard, it can look like a bad episode of Ground Force.
Finally, there is the weather. Yesterday was windy but sunny. The forecast was much worse...
It wasn't a disaster – the family did say afterwards that they thought the service was lovely and went as well as they hoped for. And I'm sure that, not having had a lot of experience with graveside services, many of the above issues may improve over time as I learn how to position people, speak up etc. But I do think the layout of council cemeteries remains a challenge. I have led a few services at my local natural burial ground, and they were certainly a much nicer experience. Both for me and the family, I think.
Once again, I feel it is a case of celebrants and families trying to make the best of what is currently available to us. Although any tips from those of you who have much more 'graveside' experience than me would be most welcome!
All just too familar, CB, I'm afraid. My best tip would be to the family: "Consider a brief committal at the graveside, preceded or followed by a ceremony somewhere more congenial, preferably indoors." Doesn't often happen, but when it does, it's a great relief. You get the power of the graveside plus the practical utility of being indoors.
ReplyDeleteMore and more people seem to conflate committal with funeral ceremony. Needn't be so, surely.
I'd agree that green burials are nicer in so many ways (no traffic, or not much: usually room enough, etc.apart from their greenness - we hope)but I understand that some of them, new ones, are as yet little more than muddy fields plus saplings etc. (Not ours, happily - it's mature woodland.) And of course the weather is the weather anywhere outdoors.
Just sometimes, I've found, even bad weather can help, depending on the family context and therefore the content. But it's tough on the elderly (not to mention minibrants a little past their prime..)
Is it sexist to point out that it's harder for women? Most men's voices are a fair bit lower in pitch than most women's voices, which makes them easier to project. One excellent FD of my acquaintance has a portable PA set-up, blessings be upon his head.
Could you purchase one against tax? (Not cheap...)Or would some pettifogging local by-law forbid it? After all, it's not as though you'd be playing AC/DC through it. Or would you? Aforementioned FD also plugs in his iPod for some music. Only used all this once - what a treat. Cool, as they say, dude.
Thank you GM for such a quick and helpful response to my plea!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you when it comes to separating the committal from the 'main' ceremony. I think this would help when it comes to crematorium services too.
Nothing sexist about your comment at all. The portable PA system sounds great. Just had a quick search on the Internet and saw a good one for £146. Might also be worth chatting to my FD's and talking through the advantages of getting a PA system. Maybe they would buy one themselves!
Good thinking CB, hope you can talk an FD or two into it, they could always hire it out to others when they aren't using it themselves. Or - you could buy the gear and hire it out! FDs, bar-mitzvahs, weddings....
ReplyDeleteOnly other point I should have made, obvious enough but easily overlooked - make sure they are down-wind of you, as even a slight breeze, I've found, can leave you at a disadvantage.
Ah yes, the breeze test! Thanks GM...
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, when I was a teacher (god help my poor pupils) I took my A Level Chaucer class on a pilgrimage. We followed ancient routes (mostly green lanes); we dressed in cod-medieval clothes courtesy of the drama wardrobe; we fuelled ourselves with bread and apples and mead. Everyone was charged with telling a present day morality tale on the hoof. Hopeless. The only way to tell stories is to have people stationary and gathered round, preferably indoors. I was reminded of this when I did my first graveside ceremony. I yelled away and it all sounded like banging on. Intonation, modulation and dynamics were lost. It was all a bawled monotone (I exaggerate slightly).
ReplyDeleteAn plein air committal, on the other hand, can be pretty dramatic.
Very good suggestion from GM. I'd have thought that local authorities and NBGs might provide these.
Given the reflective mood of a funeral audience, I'd have thought that it is best served when seated -- followed (optional) by a procession to a hole in the ground and a resounding coda.
Thank you Charles for sharing your Chaucer tale! I like the idea of you tripping hither and thither through the green lanes in doublet and hose...
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I agree, the 'best served seated' approach is certainly preferable. Funny how, in American movies and TV shows, you always see neat rows of mourners seated on chairs around a neatly 'greened' grave. Remember the funeral of Don Corleone Snr in The Godfather?
Americans do do graveside funerals much more than us. But I bet they are mostly in sunny states. Of course, they are much better equipped with tent-like structures (sorry, can't find words today) and, yes, decent PA apparatus. English weather is against us, for sure!
ReplyDeleteI think we need photos of Charles in his green hose, curly slippers and wide sleeves, CB, for historical reasons...And incidentally, Charles, a little bit of self-deprecation there yourself, about your teaching, I mean - I had a very good A level English teacher, but we sure as hell never went on pilgrimage! Very imaginative, even if the narratives didn't really flow....
ReplyDeleteWe do indeed need photographic evidence of this inspired outdoor lesson. Like you GM, my English teacher was good, but not that good! And I too don't believe for a second that Charles was anything less than inspirational as a teacher. Even if he was wearing tights at the time...
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