I've just started reading Happiness by Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard. It's 'a guide to developing life's most important skill' (other than opening vacuum-packed food items) and contains wisdom, philosophies, guides and exercises to help 'train the mind to recognise and pursue a lasting happiness'. So far it's a pleasing mix of the type of mind bubblegum and soul fertiliser I like to dip in and out of, for both my own good and any gems I can glean for families I work with.
The gist of this book, and many, many other tomes on the subject, is that happiness comes in the form of living in the now. But that's hard to do for bereaved people, who want to be anywhere but the now, and will instead swing from re-living the past, to fearing for the future...
I enjoyed some comfort telly on Friday night, in the form of a new series called Life in a Cottage Garden with Carol Klein (she of stripey scarf, sounds-like-she's-about-to-laugh fame). It wasn't anything new or particularly exciting (although you could say it was 'earth shattering' by the way Carol wielded her garden fork with gusto). It was just half an hour of marveling at how plants survive the winter and that wonderful sense of renewal and regeneration that makes you want to buy a greenhouse. It also made me want to phone my bereavement support clients and insist they switch over to BBC2, just to reassure themselves that life re-emerges after even the darkest of winters.
Hi, CB. I enjoyed Ricard's book, and still mean to go back soon and write down Great Thoughts for Future Use (no, I don't quite know when I'll grow up, either..)
ReplyDeleteWhen I enquired about a mindfulness course, I asked the tutor about the wisdom (or unwisdom) of taking such a course when I wasn't actually depressed, in pain etc. She quoted Jon Kabat-Zin as saying that you didn't wait to pack and strap on a parachute until the plan was being shot down.
I guess we can't recommend mindfulness training for all "in case you are bereaved" (er, well, actually "when you are bereaved," in 99% of cases)but that would be the ideal. Nevertheless, my question is: do you think a mindfulness training course would help people who are bereaved, especially in dreadful circumstances?
I understand that bereaved people may want to be anywhere but their present, but I'm not sure that sort of grieving present would be incompatible with the mental state encouraged by mindfulness meditation. It's not about swapping "grief" for "happiness," is it? And it's certainly not about seeking to avoid grieving.
Maybe M. Ricard's book is starting at the wrong end, for bereaved people. To really over-simplify it: don't start by seeking happiness, start with encouraging the "presentness" state of mindful meditation, and that may help you get through more often to happiness. And to some comfort, which may be more important to you in a bereaved state, than any idea of possible future happiness.
The Long-Suffering One tells me that even now, there are some white tips on the snow-drop shoots, and that a misguided primrose has flowered. The L-SO is also a great greenhouse fan - happily, ours blew down in a huge gale and we now have a little "Woodpecker" greenhouse - not the cheapest, not the most expensive (by a long way) but really excellent. (No fee to me for saying this!)
Greetings GM (as in Gloriamundi, not genetically modified)
ReplyDeleteI'll start by saying that I don't know the exact details of what mindfulness training would entail (will read up on it more), but I think, once again, when it comes to bereavement, it's a unique problem that is hard to 'prepare' for. Contentment seems to me a more desirable and realistic 'permanent' state to aspire to than happiness (for everyone, not just the bereaved). Which you eluded to when you said comfort may be more important, initially, than happiness. And I can only agree.
Glad to hear the snowdrops are on their way! Hope L-SO is feeling better.
Absolutely, CB - know how to make someone discontented? Keep asking if them if they're happy - contentment is the stable state to aim at, surely. Happiness arrives, or not.It evaporates under the heat-lamp of analysis. Contentment you can build. Mindfulness helps. Least, that's what I've found, and it helps me deal with the fact of mortality. Maybe more on this anon.
ReplyDeleteShould you want to find out more about mindfulness, may I immodestly refer you to:
http://mortality-branchlinesblog.blogspot.com/2010/09/mindfulness-resources.html
- or rather to the books etc therein. There rest of my blather you might well skip...
And also http://www.impactednurse.com/?p=2528
Thanks CB. L-SO not 100% yet but OK.
Thanks GM! I shall have a good old read of both links later. Funnily enough, my new Matthieu Ricard book The Art Of Meditation arrived in the post this morning. Looking forward to having a read of that too!
ReplyDeleteI think alongside contentment, one of the other advantageous 'life skills' is a sense of perspective. More on that in a future posting!
Have a good day (or is that looking too far ahead?) Have a good morning, hour, minute, second... now!