...not in a Freddie Mercury kind of way, but I want to break free of the lectern in crematorium chapels. Lecterns can be helpful, you can place your notes down, rest on them, take a sip of water from the plastic cup on the little shelf underneath, you're near the microphone, the all-important buttons, and provide a focal point for everyone. They are professional, traditional, etc.
However, I do feel quite 'separate' from people at times. I know that sounds odd because I suppose I have to separate myself in some respects. But today, for example, I led the service for the young man who died on Christmas Day. The crematorium chapel had a lectern that you step up to, so you're higher than everyone else. But I didn't feel comfortable. I wanted to step down and talk to people 'on their level' as it were. Be less formal. But if you step away, and the chapel is full, you can't be heard, or seen for that matter, and you'd have to walk back to press the buttons.
I'm not suggesting that I start wearing a lapel microphone and have a little device in my hand that works the music, curtain's etc. like some sort of funeral weather girl! But actually, why not?! If it's discreet (no hand-held mikes or ear-pieces), and helps make things less stuffy, then I'm all for it. I'm going to build a venue for funerals. It will be light and spacious, with real flowers, stylish furniture and quality audio-visual systems. When I win the lottery...
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Here here Comfort Blanket. This is just what we at The Natural Death Centre are applying pressure to crems to change. It is still to derivitive of a church. Centralise the coffin, lapel mikes, decent sound systems, flatscreen TV's, indoor fireworks, Son Et Lumieres--whatever it takes to make people sit up and pay attention. I think something like Gwennap Pit in Cornwall would do, like a greek amphitheatre in which the audience/congregation are above the preacher/celebrant, not the other way round.
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ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a fab. idea Miss comfy, somewhere modern and welcoming. You could get yourself a little sound mic like they use on TV/stage (you have to strap and hide the reciever to your body somewhere). I had heard they sell them in Argos?
ReplyDeleteThanks ric-rac! And nice to hear from you Rupert, thanks for reading my post and for getting in touch. Gwennap Pit sounds fantastic! I'm all for it. And I love what you're doing at The Natural Death Centre. Keep up the great work...
ReplyDeleteI know, I know, you're away from the buttons! And if ever you do wander someone'll say deaf people couldn't hear you because you were away from the loop. Now don't get me on to the architecture of crems. But the difficulty you describe is because they were built for pontificators, and that's not us, is it?
ReplyDeleteKeep doing those numbers!!
PS I posted a comment on your previous post, but it doesn't seem to have come through. Oh, not to worry. Perhaps I forgot to transcribe the nonsense word or something.
Which nonsense word on that occasion was tompti. I like it! Eee, ah'm feelin reet tompti today!
ReplyDeleteWhen I Take Over (sorry Rupert, I know you're tired of my excuses - the uniforms are on order) all crems will be demolished, and I shall appoint CB, Rupert and Charles as consultants for a new generation of death ritual arenas/amphitheatres. And yes, why not a proper remote system? I have to nod at a one-way mirror to get the music played or faded...but at least most of the time I don't have to ascend on high in one of those damned pulpit-type lecterns. I hate 'em - if I wanted to be a Bishop, I'd have taken the exams.
ReplyDeleteBut that's nothing compared to how terrifying it must be for a bereaved person who wants to speak and has stage fright to manage as well. We don't do very well for them, do we?
Rupert's comment that it's still derivative of a church made me think - yes it is, and yet a well-designed arena/amphitheatre that put all speakers as much at their ease as possible - surely that would be better for religious ritual as well as secular ceremonies.
Cue song: If I were a rich (wo)man... diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, dum. Thanks Charles and GM (and Charles, I'm sorry to have not been able to read your comment on my last post. I feel deprived. Please try again!)
ReplyDeleteWow Gloria, a one way mirror! How vaguely seedy, yet strangely practical. Having read that my nearly always right wife has pointed out most mirrors are one way; assume you mean two way. Our local crem which shall remain nameless but is owned by the Westerleigh Group has just had a makeover that needed services to be relocated for at least three months. In this time they got rid of the artex walls, Hurrah! installed the Wesley System, Hurrah! redid the outside awning, (eh? it seemed fine to us..) bit still didn't move the lectern so that when anyone other than the celebrant is speaking the celebrant stands beside them lemon-like, and the soundsystem is in a different room, as it is at both Plymouth crems.
ReplyDeleteKnock on point. We did a funeral at one of the Plymouth crems, -I feel okay naming it as they are council run and so more publicly accountable or at least less likey to legally threaten- and the brother of the deceased came straight to the crematorium from abroad. Naturally he wanted to say his farewell to his brother, but we were forbidden from opening the coffin due to health and safety regulations. We had to drive off the property to a thankfully quiet leafy lane adjoining and show him his brother in the back of the car. Now, how can that be right? A place where funerals are held that forbid open coffins. Talk about cogntive dissonance.
Er, yes, that'll be one of those curious onetwo way mirrors...or maybe a one-way window? I'm pleased to hear your marital experience has given you an accurate view of inherent female rectitude...except, obviously, in the case of GM..
ReplyDeleteAs for the Plymouth crem - one just might have hoped that they would recognise that you probably know rather more than they do about any health risks involved with dead bodies, since you have contact with about 99.9% more of them than they do.."Ask the fellows who cut the hay" not the Grass Transformations Oversight Officer.
Anyway, people say "H&S regs" too quickly sometimes - most regs are open to some interpretation and common sense, no?