I have a dream…

...about changing the world. The world of funerals to be precise (and improving dying, death, bereavement but I might have to tackle those another day when I’ve washed my Wonder Woman outfit). I’m doing my best to make a difference, and be different, to gently present a range of options for people, but the infrastructure currently in place (see last post regarding crematorium chapels) doesn’t allow for great variation in ceremony content and I feel at times I’m getting sucked into the very sausage factory I want to break out of. I’m feeling quite fired up about it all at the moment – a woman on a mission, brimming with revolutionary ideas, a modern-day Suffragette, ready to throw herself under a horse, or should that be hearse? Actually, scrap that last bit… I’m no Emily Wilding Davison. But you get the picture.

I know I’m not the only person who feels this way, because there are plenty of other individuals, groups, businesses, charities and organisations who are trying to change things, informing and enlightening people with their products and services. And if I sound naive or ignorant of the good work that is already going on, then you’ll have to forgive me. That’s not my intention. What I’m about to say (and this isn’t a short post, sorry!) is just a personal view based on what I hear, see and experience in my own world, and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I know there are some great people out there making things happen. 

When I visit families, and talk to people in general who aren’t ‘in the business’, I am always surprised by just how limited their knowledge of funeral choices really is. And, more interestingly, their lack of confidence in being willing to do something different, other than perhaps have a wicker coffin and play a song recorded in the last ten years. But I shouldn't be surprised. It’s understandable, given the fact that few people want to think about funerals until they need them, and then, when they do, they are distraught, unable to make decisions, and don’t have time to peruse the new wealth of alternatives out there. And, with respect, even the more brilliantly forward-thinking funeral directors won’t be able to offer all the options. (When I worked for a, shall we say ‘corporate’, group of FD’s, I was actually told that too much choice was bad and to keep customer’s options to a minimum or they’ll just get confused!). 

For me, the question is how to get all this wonderful information to people? How to climb off the page, out of the computer screen and into the hands and minds of the person on the street? How to have a presence in the heart of the community, where all that exists is a cemetery and FD’s shop front? 

I think sometimes it feels like all of us who want to make a difference are in a room together, having an exciting debate about all the things we’d like to make happen, and on the other side of the wall are the general public, who can hear the hub-bub but can’t quite make out exactly what we’re saying (a bit like when your neighbour’s having a party) and, actually, would rather put ear plugs in. But I want to open the door of our room and invite them all in. See everyone face-to-face. Raise a glass, have a dance...

And if one analogy isn’t enough… we are all diving into the top of a big funnel but it has a tiny hole, and there’s a slow drip, drip, drip of change... 

I’m wondering if there’s a way of speeding things up. Or am I getting ahead of myself? Maybe people don’t want funerals to change as much as I assume they do? Perhaps I’m underestimating the sensitivity around funerals and any change has to be very… very…. slow. Or, maybe it is all happening somewhere and I’m missing it! 

Ghandi said “You have to be the change you want to see in the world”. I want to do something. I'm just working out exactly what that something is...